In Regan National airport there is a wine bar that I have seen on several visits and I always think I must stop one day. I have visions of a crazy large glass of wine and friends hanging off my every word. Since it is 8:30 in the morning, wine seemed like a bad idea so I went with a Bloody Mary, breakfast sandwich, and a book. There is a great view for people watching. I love airports all of the emotion: love, sadness, excitement, and even disappointment. There is the sound of clickity clack that heels make on the marble like floors, people marching onward with their cell phones in hand and singular purpose vision. I wonder about these people and usually make up back stories to go with my mental pictures. I always remember a long ago game played in a Midwest airport and this memory always makes me smile.
I made it back to KS!
All my love-
It is funny as I sit at a Starbucks in Reston, VA just shy of the one year mark when I left DC, I can’t help but think back about what this last year has held for me. I haven’t had a home in all of this time; I have lived with friends and family. My life has been colored by my guest star status in each of their lives. I have watched as my original life continued onward without me (although a little part of me wanted people and things to be so sad they didn’t move without me but mostly I want people to be happy with or without me).
Here is what I know:
1) I got to know people that I wouldn’t have to include people that I used to see everyday. Luv ya Peggy!
2) I got to really know the wolfpack! They are great kids and I have enjoyed the opportunity to watch Jenny change.
3) I got to reconnect with my parents. I actually like them; I have had fun and I continue to learn.
4) I am grateful for the opportunity to witness my Oma’s battle for physical recovery and reminisce about my other Grandma’s struggles before she died. I had the opportunity to see how I would like to handle struggles in my own future.
5) I met nieces and nephews who would have been at best photographs in my life.
6) I miss my “stuff” and having a place for me.
7) I miss accomplishing “things” and that feeling you get when you figure out how to make the system work for you.
8) I really had come to dislike my old company ALOT. I feel true pleasure and happiness at being gone. They were slow to realize the changing world making the necessary changes that much more challenging when the time came to do it.
9) I miss some of the routines of life to include hanging out with friends.
10) I miss big girl shoes and dresses.
Most importantly, I am scared of Phase 2 of this year – “The Job Hunt”. But I choose to acknowledge the fear let it go and keep moving. :)
And who can forgot – I really like my new motorcycle!! :)
All my love-
I had an interesting plane ride where I met a lady from OK with quite a story. I also meet two ladies from DC who just took an amazing trip up to SD where I will be going next weekend with my dad. I had a horrible car rental experience again and this one might cost me $500. I woke up early to take Sabrina horse back riding. It was fun and we meet two cute girls (1 who just graduated from high school and is studying violin – she wants to be in the NY philharmonic; the other a junior at KY State University studying equine sciences). Both offered lovely advice on high school to Sabrina. ;). It was a beautiful place and great horses.
We both had lunch and then we went to the International Peruvian Independence Day Festival where I think Sabrina might be learning a lesson that took me 37 years to learn. I am really proud even if it made me a little sad. Peggy and I had dinner and got to catch-up more. I even learned a few new pieces to her story. She is one cool chica who makes me laugh!
Now I am off to sleep for doctor visits and vaccines in the morning!
All my love-
I got to ride this morning and I became an official biker chic. You might think this happened with a near death experience or some sort of event that made me look like a bug splat on a car fender. But none of this actions marked my inauguration into bikerhood. I followed my dad and we went to McDee’s for a coffee and smoothie. Then we went further on those back roads of America’s heartland. It was funny; I had a moment out there were I really got why people love riding. We drove past fields of emerald green and amber. We saw dark rich hues of clay and soil. There were farmers moving the earth and rodents crossing the street. It was a quite and peaceful experience that was all mine – a new way of seeing these roads again. I watched as storms clouds rolled around in the sky and I could see the pink and orange give way to a new day. It was amazing. But in much a typical KS fashion, the winds would kick up and back off – worrying me a bit. Otherwise, it was a really great day.
I am the dot in the side mirror. ;)
I packed and ran to gentle yoga. I liked the long lazy stretches. Nothing major happened other than I got to move in time to my own breathe – a special call and response all my own.
I had a farewell lunch with Uncle Bill and my parents. It was great to see him and I hope he knows how great it was he could come visit and help with Oma. ;)
I had my first Amp in a lot of months and I remembered why I liked it! ;)
I sit on a plane quickly bringing me to DC.
All my love-
I rode my HD Sportster again this morning. First, I went to St. George and then I rode my bike to Oma’s with my mom following me. It was windy but I did it and I stayed within my lane. I kept thinking I will just go till here and then I will go back if I need to. As my mom followed in the car and I felt my back was always safe. It was REALLY nice; I love my mamma! ;-) I only had a little trouble here and there mostly when I kept the clutch in but maintained a death grip on the brake. I can tell yoga has taken its hold when I would start to get nervous I would try to breathe in and out through my nose but my goggles pressed on the bridge of my nose so I couldn’t breathe in. But I made my way thorough it and I was proud.
I made yoga again for the 1st time in a week. It was a continuous flow and it felt really good to breathe, move, and feel my body. A couple of times she would turn up the music and we would just move from pose to pose. Inversions were fun – head stand, tripod headstand, and handstand then we did backbends (bridge and wheel). It was a great practice and we flowed to Jayeze and the Eagles (Take it Easy – made me think of Jenny and our trip! It was so awesome!). It was fun! Jayeze made me think of my friend Chris; hope things are going better for PW.
I was reading the Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison. It is a book of essays on empathy. There was a part I loved, “But motions can be more than route. They don’t just express feeling; they can give birth to it. Empathy isn’t just something that happens to us – a meteor shower of synapses firing across the brain – it’s a choice we make: to pay attention, to extend ourselves. It’s made of exertion, that dowdier cousin of impulse. Sometimes we care for each other because we know we should, or because it’s asked for, but this doesn’t make our caring hollow. The act of choosing simply means we’ve committed ourselves to a set of behaviors greater than the sum of our individual inclinations: I will listen to his sadness, even when I’m deep in my own.”
I love this thought. I love idea of that intention is most important and desire less so. I try to choose to show up everyday; even when I am sad or in the midst of my own moment. I believe in work and the intentional act. As Karen tells me, I believe in choosing to turn to the higher me while leaving the lesser me behind. I hope those around me can feel this choice; I always try (although sometimes this choice is easier to see than others).
All my love-
My day was pretty good even though I had to get two cavities filled. I spent the morning with Oma. She couldn’t hear something awful and we got to talk more about her knee getting crushed so I left for wash cloths. It is hard to talk when someone can’t hear and you only talk about how awful life is. Plus – I helped change my Oma’s diaper. That was SUPER awful. :(
I took a ride on my bike. I went to St. George and that went well. With my confidence high, I got my mom to follow me and I headed to Wamego. Where it went okay until it didn’t (amazing his fast stuff changes), you see I forgot about counter steering. The wind was doing the typical Wizard of Oz KS wind thing where it took me and my bike across 2 lanes of traffic and into the shoulder. I had this weird moment where I was petrified of overcorrecting and I didn’t know how to stay in my lane. I rode in the shoulder for about 20 feet where I stopped and turned. I was nervous and then killed the bike like 3 times before I got it going again. The wind had it’s way with me. My dad explained how to fix that situation for future reference – counter steering (and then I remembered that lesson from class). He makes all of this look so damn easy.
Then all of us had dinner with my Aunt Patti. It was great to see her and get caught up. She is good people.
All my love-
It was a crazy low key day. I woke up for a massage, had breakfast and went back to sleep. Had bacon and tomato sandwiches for lunch (they were amazing) and then off to the pool for a swim. Dad and I took our bikes to the shop for a quick check-up; we picked up the bikes and then headed to dinner with Uncle Bill (so glad he is visiting). There were lovely margaritas at Taco Lucha for dinner. We headed home and I bought plane tickets to Phoenix and Europe. I spent so much money; I am a little sick to my stomach. I am only about 7 weeks away from the job hunt while working my way up the coast of California. Also- feeling a little sick about that. I know it will all work out. Tomorrow I should take my first bike ride into town all alone. Say a prayer for me.
All my love-