Today was busy. I went to the audiologist (more on that later), took Patrick to the airport and went got a mammogram. I also went to the gym but just walked 4 miles cause I was soo sore. Ran into Jimmy J. where I acknowledged my lost bet status and now I must pay up Saturday. Best of all I made my gray gone. Mark was confessed that I had been upsetting John by leaving cans of energy drinks all about the kitchen. While Mark and John clearly love me, I mean how could the not, I feel bad about the strain I put on their relationship.
All my love-
Today was full of highs, lows and even some time travel. More about the highs and lows later. I sent someone a message on LinkedIn. A gentleman I haven’t spoken with in years and it brought me back to a time long ago. He helped me out of a tough situation and he remembered me. He spoke of how much be believed in me. He shared that he recently made Brigadier General and it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person. I really couldn’t be more please for him. He helped me when he didn’t have to and when I wondered if I deserved it. Time travel is such a funny experience cause once you are off in its grips, its hard to come back to the present. But sometimes it is little fun but its always bittersweet.
All my love-
Hi – My name is Angie and I have a problem. My day was much better today and I am pretty sure the AMP is to blame. I had 2 red ones. The sugary red goodness makes me feel happy. Got 6 miles ran and did weights. Applied for jobs; heard from a new company. Did some yoga; the calves are killing me. Worked on my CCBA certification and CPSM. Went for a little walk with Mark and I even watched the final of the Ellen Degeneres design challenge. It was really exciting!!
All my love-
I am discouraged. And while that is SUPER annoying its okay. In my discouragement, I have found a new question I hate almost as much as I used to hate the question “when are you going to have kids?” The new dreaded question is “what’s up?” Or “tell me what is going on?” You see I hate these questions because the same thing goes on or variations of the same activities everyday. I wake up, apply for jobs, work on a new certificate, yoga, run on a treadmill, eat, and talk to networking peeps, recruiters or interviewers. And on happier days I have a red bull (and one day a purple AMP (oh – how I miss you)). Sometimes Mark and I go to a movie or dinner. Sometimes there is a work event that Mark lets me attend. But all the days are basically the same with activities in various orders and activities which last different lengths on the day. But that is what I do – day in and day out since January 1.
I try not to get to excited about specific opportunities because then you are sad when they don’t work out. I try to help out in between those same activities. But that is my life – I wait for the patience and faith to pay off. I read things from other job seekers on LinkedIn or other job boards about keeping your chin up. They all basically say how we all feel like fat kids at prom – waiting to be asked to dance. I know I am hard to love right now and even harder to be around. I want to be told people who don’t hire me are dumb and they will be sorry. I want to be reminded that I am the best damn worker ever and actually even better since I took my year off. But I am about as lovable as one of Mark’s many cacti so that doesn’t happen. I sit and remind my dog brain that this will all be okay soon (not as soon as I would like but soon).
Mark would say
“When you’re feeling certain feelings
That just don’t seem right
Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light
And turn ‘em off, like a light switch
Just go back
Really, what’s so hard about that
Turn it off, turn it off …..
My dad would say to me
Now don’t you dare start cryin’
Turn it off like a light switch
Just go flick
It’s our nifty little Mormon trick
Turn it off, turn it off” – The Book Of Mormon – Turn It Off Lyrics
That always makes me laugh but I quit doing that some time ago and sometimes I think I should bring that practice back. So I sit sad knowing that this will pass one day too. I sit discouraged trying to smile with Mormon’s dancing in my head.
All my love-
You ever notice how much there is to wait for… Clothes to dry. Phones to ring. People to come, people to go. Situations to change. Doorbells to ring. Insurance companies to decide.
To all of it I say UGH! But in honor of Miss April – I say I love you waiting. I love to be in the moment and take each thing as it comes. I love you waiting. I love you patience. :-P (Yes- all of this is said with a snarky voice.)
I got 5.35 miles (87 miles down for the month of Feb) in today and my yoga workout. My handstand had a few improvements. I had an icky interview today. They asked me one question, I wasn’t prepared for and I am not entirely sure I convinced anyone of the truth. Oh well!
Got 3 more jobs applied for and we are all going out for dinner tonight. Yippee! I think I might wear big girl clothes. I miss MY BIG GIRL CLOTHES. I love you waiting.
My day was fairly productive:
1) I dropped off a check for my bro and mailed a package for him. Plus I went to the bank (I got my 1st check in ages; although it wasn’t real income. It was more of an over payment refund but I still liked it).
2) Did yoga, weights and ran. My tripod headstand was horrible; I fell over side ways. My regular headstand was pretty good though and I got 4 miles and some change in. I did arm and shoulders for weights. Nothing too spectacular.
3) Had an interview with a company today. I liked the company and the hiring manager; keep your fingers crossed for interview #3. I like the company’s response to project difficulties.
4) I ate lunch and cleaned the floors of the kitchen. Dirty floors were making Mark sad which was making everyone SAD.
5) Joined a Supply Chain Org and a Business Analyst org. Starting on completing my application to get a Business Analyst certification.
6) Applied for 3 jobs.
7) Went for a mini-walk with Mark.
8) Tried to network more… :( No one answered. But I did get one call back. :-)
9) Had dinner. Marked cooked pasta and salad with something other than lettuce. It was awesome. I cleaned the kitchen.
10) Read a little more. It something totally cool about anchoring attachments and a disorienting sense of loss when ties are cut. Basically stating that ” Our society overlooks the drain on emotional balance that results from severing attachment …. because limbic regulation operates weakly at a distance. We have the means to establish a peripatetic lifestyle, but we will never have the brains for it.” — Thomas Lewis “A General Theory of Love” Explaining my angst. PS – peripatetic means traveling from place to place.
11) Off to meditate and sleep. I am worried though that I will run out of content on Netflix (half watching on the treadmill). :(
All my love-
Its amazing how fast time goes. You look around and then 3 days gone…
Not much new here. Saw a comedian Joe Machi. That guy was funny so was one of his openers. Chatted with some recruiters and applied for some jobs. Ran miles and did some yoga. Helped my dad with a project fixing his contacts and putting them all into the sky. Mark, John and I volunteered on Saturday by walking some dogs. I very mean lady yelled at us for walking through an alley. It was one of those weird experiences when you have to keep telling yourself – that is your gift of meanness and I don’t accept it. I was a bit sad but I realized that I might be looking at the situation wrong. Instead of being mad for seeing a pothole; I am happy I saw that pot hole and I can choose not to go down the street. No matter how nice the pot hole laden street looks. I was also sad on Friday there was too much extroverted work and I was just overwhelmed Feeling better though. I have ran 76 miles in February so far.
All my love-