Coming Back

Coming back is always an experience.  I never felt like VA was my place and the I left.  Somehow that act of leaving magically made VA feel like home.  when I find myself back in VA, it’s amazing.  The traffic is terrible, the weather isn’t great but I understand the rhythm.  I wonder if I am a all star high school quarterback trying to relive her glory days. I miss my favorite restaurants and stores. I miss my people. I miss my old paycheck.

All my love-

I Love You

It’s been a long week. I haven’t slept in weeks and weeks because of my cat.  I am tired and I have been waiting forever – waiting for things to change. I hate waiting for things to happens (new jobs, new houses) and others not too. Today was awful and I cried and cried.  Just when I thought there were no more tears, there were more.  I mis-read a situation and its been ages since I misread anything soooo badly.  I got to experience something awful with my beautiful friend Patsy.  You are TRULY amazing; don’t let anyone make you feel different. There is no one I would rather be stuck in a bag of crushed assholes with.  You have more class than anyone I know.  Baby Smithen is one lucky kid!  You will be an amazing mom!  :)

Today I got to see my friend Stevie P stand up for me, my angel Philbert love me no matter what, my sweet sweet Le Anna inspire me and remind me of my own greatness,  and my truly amazing bro make me laugh.  Plus my sister “Jenny”who always makes me feel loved with a word. I am reminded there are angles in the world for without them the world would lack color.  Thank you for being you!  I don’t know what I would do without you.

Thanks for talking to me in the middle of the night or day when I needed a pick me up.

All my love-

I let go of today and promise to love.


by author unknown

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off,
it is the realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness,
which means that the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another,
it is to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for,
but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies,

To “let go” is not to be protective,
but to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny,
but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take every day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To “let go” is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and love more.

Waiting Place

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

-Dr. Seuss

“Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”

All my love-



She Would Be Brave

“She would be brave. She would be heroic. She would make her own destiny.” -Marissa Meyer, Winter

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks and this week promises to be no different.  Apparently, I am in the midst of a disengagement cycle.  The disengagement cycle looks like:

  1. Re-invigoration of efforts- renewed activity accompanied by disbelief that the goal is unattainable
  2. Aggression – protesting the loss of goal or assigning blame for its loss
  3. Depression – over the loss of the goal
  4. Recovery and acting on a new goal

Although, I am in the recovery stage.   Within disengagement there is motivational and behavioral disengagement.  Motivational disengagement involves cognitive and emotional regulation.  Its is the act of stop thoughts about one goal and start focusing on obtainable ones.  Behavioral disengagement is real world choices; it means quitting one thing and  exhibiting new behaviors aimed at achieving new obtainable goals.

It takes courage to disengage.  More later; now I sleep.

All my love-



Amazing Freedom Day

Today was freedom day!  It was amazing.  I had freedom day breakfast which had George Washington bacon.  I had worms and a card to celebrate Freedom Day.  There were congratulations and warm wishes.  I had martini’s, nacho’s and strawberry shortcake.  There was a Freedom Day, Freedom Day, Happy Happy Freedom Day Song.  Thank you for making my day awesome Philbert. Plus one job offer and if i am lucky one tomorow.

All my love-